


Call It What You Want

by Darlingheart



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bellamy Blake & Harper McIntyre friendship, Bellamy Blake & Madi friends/family, Canon Compliant, Clarke Griffin & Madi - Freeform, Delinquents, Found Family, Multi, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, clarke griffin & octavia blake - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-19 00:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13692735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darlingheart/pseuds/Darlingheart
Summary: A collection of random ficlets, drabbles and one-shots.Mostly Bellarke, but starting with IceMechanic.Yes, the title is from Taylor Swift.





	1. Going for Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Winter Olympics fic with Raven and Roan as snowboarders, because why not.

Raven had no intention of hooking up at the Olympics. She knew it happened, although by all accounts the summer season was worse, but that wasn’t why she was at the Games. She was here to snowboard and win gold in the Slopestyle. That was it.

But then she met Roan, the Canadian snowboarder, favourite to take home his own gold medal.

Raven was blaming Bellamy and Clarke, because she blamed Bellamy for most things but this time it was technically Clarke’s fault.

Raven and Bellamy were friends, had been for years. Ever since his sister decided she preferred boarding to ice dancing and had quit as his partner. He attempted to blame Raven, which lasted about five minutes before he realised she’d actually make a good ally for Octavia and he dropped the attitude.

Of course that meant Raven had a ringside seat to his partner saga, and honestly she’d wondered if he’d ever get to the Olympics but then he met Clarke and not only was he here, they were definitely going to take home gold.

He was definitely going to take home Clarke too, she had a bet with Miller on it. And Raven didn’t make bets she would lose.

Raven didn’t lose.

But as happy as she was for them, and she was, it meant Clarke was around. A lot. 

Clarke was ice royalty. Her mother, Abby Griffin still held the world record for individual ice dancing. She famously lost out on the Olympic gold to Nia Azgeda and their rivalry was the stuff of legends. These days Abby and Nia were co-commentators and friends, which meant that Clarke knew Nia’s son, Roan.

Raven was in the stands ready to watch Bellamy and Clarke’s first dance when Roan sat down next to her. She knew who he was of course, she saw his half-pipe at the X Games, knows he is the favourite to win here. And yes, he’s attractive in an overgrown man-bun kind of way. If that’s your thing.

“You missed the Canadian duo.” Raven says barely glancing at him.

“That was intentional, they suck.” He smirks.

Raven raises her brow at him and turns back to the ice, waiting.

“Twenty bucks he kisses her.” Miller mutters on her left.

“Nah, this is Blake. He has zero game. It won’t be until it’s all over for sure.” Raven replies.

“Hey man, great game earlier.” Roan says, over Raven, to Miller.

“Thanks.” Miller nods. “The Swedes put up a fight but we got them.”

“And yourself by the looks of it.” Roan says nodding to Miller’s black eye.

“Ice hockey.” Miller shrugs.

“When you’re done talking over me. They’re starting.” Raven huffs motioning to the ice.

Clarke and Bellamy finish their routine to rapturous applause and Raven and Miller are standing and whooping with the rest of the crowd.

Roan is standing too but just clapping, the Canadians are still technically in this after all.

“You’re telling me they aren’t hooking up.” He says leaning in to Raven.

She thinks he smells like ice, which is stupid and girly, two things she prides herself on not being, so she just ignores him.

“Nope.” Miller grins.

“What’s the pot on that bet.” Roan smirks.

And that’s how it starts.

The men’s first heat is before the women’s and she’s just finished training so figures it makes sense to stop by. Snowboarding is a small community after all. Echo her main competition for the gold is there watching. They’re friendly enough, as friendly as you can be when you’ve worked your whole life for the exact same thing.

“Wasn’t expecting to see you. Your lot aren’t even in this are they?” Echo says in lieu of hello.

“No. They’re up tomorrow, but I just finished training and I’ve heard some whispers about the wind conditions so thought I’d check it out for myself.”

Echo nods. They watch in the competitors together, adding in a few comments when someone does something particularly good, or bad.

“The British guy, Lincoln. He’s got to be the one to beat.” Raven says.

After watching Lincoln execute a particularly impressive run.

“Just wait.” Echo smirks.

Roan is up next and, as predicted, absolutely nails his run, executing a 1440 so smooth that even Raven, who knows how hard it is, thinks he makes it look easy. He goes straight to the top of the scoreboard.

He slides over to them when he’s finished.

“What was the wind like?” Echo asks.

“Yeah it _was_ good wasn’t it. Yeah, I agree I couldn’t been cleaner off the rail.” He drawls.

“Oh fuck you, you know it was great.” Echo laughs.

“Raven.” He nods, “didn’t expect to see you. Jaha and your boys aren’t up until tomorrow are they?”

“I was curious… about the conditions. Is it as bad as everyone is saying?”

“Each day is going to be different I reckon. If the wind catches wrong it’s pretty rough.”

Raven nods, “doesn’t look like you had any problems.”

He smirks, “luck of the drop, right?”

Raven rolls her eyes and walks off. She is not going to be attracted to a snowboarder with a man bun, she’s better than that.

She is not better than that.

It also doesn’t help that he’s everywhere she is.

When she nails her first run, coming second on the leader board behind bloody Anya, the Australian that no one thought had a chance. He’s there at the end telling her how great she was and that she also deserved to behind Anya, because she was better. Which is problematic because just blowing smoke up her ass, she could ignore but telling her she was good but could be great without being patronising, is basically catnip to Raven.

He’s at the gym when she’s training with Wells.

“Jaha. Raven.” He nods.

Raven is partway through her run so just keeps going, nodding at him. But he stands next to Wells at the freeweights and they chat as they lift. And if Raven’s eyes keep glancing over to Roan’s incredibly impressive arms it’s just because she’s making sure he’s not being a dick to Wells, who is too nice for his own good. It’s definitely nothing else.

By the time he sits next to her in the stands later in the week Raven has a full blown crush, which she is mad about because she doesn’t get crushes and even if she did, does not need one at the goddamn Olympics.

Again, she’s blaming Bellamy and Clarke – who thanks to their steamy routines and obvious sexual chemistry have become an internet favourite, which means interest in them is only getting bigger.

“My mom says the viewing figures for these two are off the charts.” Roan tells them.

“Yeah Monty said it’s the most played clip on the ESPN site.” Miller says.

“Oh yeah, Monty said did he.” Raven teases.

“What time’s your heat tomorrow? Raven was planning to check it out and I was going to tag along if we don’t have a clash.” Miller asks Roan, throwing a smug smirk at Raven.

She resists elbowing him, just.

“12pm.” Roan says.

“Cool, no clash. We play at four.”

“We might even be able to get the lovebirds to come down, get a few more eyes on you.” Raven teases.

“I do just fine for attention thank you.” He smirks.

Raven’s response is cut off by roar of the crowd.

“Here come the dream team.” Miller quips.

“Moulin Rouge. I am never letting Blake live this down.” Raven laughs.

“Doesn’t matter what you say, he’ll be a gold medallist by the end of this.” Roan says.

“You don’t know that.” Raven tells him, but she’s not convinced he’s wrong.

They’re all watching them, eyes not leaving the ice, there is something mesmerising about watching people at the peak of their profession.

“You forget I grew up with this. I know winning when I see it.” He says.

“I one hundred per cent know they're not fucking but watching this even I'm a little convinced they are.” Miller says.

She has to agree. This dance is basically foreplay. Even for Raven, who has seen this lift before, it’s something.

When they’ve finished, holding each other in an overly long embrace, the crowd is on its feet. Cheering and applauding.

They’re waiting for the scores when Roan turns to Raven and whispers, low: “If they get gold, you get a drink with me.”

She turns to look at him; he’s smiling lazily and looks so confident.

“No.”

His expression falters.

“If they get gold and you get gold. I’ll get a drink with you.” She grins.

“Deal.”

Bellamy and Clarke win the gold medal, of course.

 

The next day is Roan’s heat and Raven finds she’s actually nervous.

It’s between him and Lincoln, both of them putting in strong runs on the first two sets.

Lincoln is setting up for his final run when Clarke and Bellamy come over to Raven.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you look this nervous for anyone but yourself ever.” Bellamy teases.

“Be nice or I’ll tell the assembled press exactly what Miller and I walked in on this morning.” She shoots back, her eyes leaving the snow briefly to glare at Bellamy, who is standing a respectable _‘we’re not sleeping together’_ distance away from Clarke.

She thinks her glare is effective even behind her sunglasses because Bellamy holds up his hands in a surrender gesture and Clarke elbows him.

They don’t want to announce until the Games are over, not wanting to take away attention from the remaining competitors, which in Raven’s view is stupid. She saw an actual New York Times article about their chemistry earlier.

Lincoln’s run is flawless, landing back-to-back double cork 1440s, which Raven doesn’t think she’s ever seen before.

“Roan will have to pull off the ride of his life to get gold.” Echo mutters, appearing at Raven’s side.

He does. His 1440 and double McTwist 1260 are textbook perfect and Raven knows she’ll be seeing gifs of them for the rest of all time.

He slides over to his teammates to await the score 99.4. Canada gets the gold.

 

“You know when I said I’d take you for a drink I had something else in mind. 

They’re in the athletes’ canteen, with two glasses of water in front of them.

“You’re the one who wanted to do it today. And I have my event tomorrow. You’re cute but not worth messing up my chances cute.” Raven shrugs.

“You think I’m cute.” He smirks.

“Please, you know you are. You made Buzzfeed’s  _Snow Hotties_ list.”

He laughs, “How do you know about that? Were you googling me?”

“You wish. Blake was pissed he was third.” She smiles. 

“It’s the hair. When his is slicked back for the ice he looks like a used car salesman or a real estate agent.”

Raven laughs and her insides flip at the grin on Roan’s face, like he’s happy she’s happy.

“I don’t think you’re in any position to talk about hairstyles.”

He scowls at her mock offended, which makes her laugh more.

Raven has to end the drink early she needs to rest and train one more time before tomorrow.

“If you win tomorrow, let me take you for a real date.” Roan says, standing with her.

“When I win tomorrow, you cut your hair and we’ll see about the date.” Raven counters, holding out her hand.

“Deal.” He shakes.

Raven doesn’t make bets she’ll lose.

 

Despite the wind conditions she nails it. There are a handful of points between her and Anya and she’s the last one up, the wind catches Anya and her last jump is flat, so she loses elevation getting her lowest score of the heat. 

It is Raven’s to lose and she knows it, boarding like it’s the end of the world executing her toughest run ever including a backside 540, cab underflip and frontside 720.

She knows it was perfect when she hits the snow at the end.

She sees her teammates, sees Wells grinning next to Miller, Clarke and Bellamy all in their ridiculous team USA windbreakers. And there, standing next to Clarke is Roan in the ugliest team Canada jumper.

She slides over to everyone, taking off her helmet and goggles as she goes. Grinning wider than she ever thought possible. Team USA descend on her and hug her, all shouting and cheering.

When she frees herself, she sees him, still impossibly sexy in his ugly sweater, grinning at her. He’s technically there to cheer on Echo, who came third, but for once Raven doesn’t care. She’s just won gold at the Olympic games and she’ll damn well do what she wants.

She unclips and marches over to him.

“I owe you a date and a hair cut apparently.” He smirks.

Raven reaches up and grabs him in for a proper kiss, which he responds to thoroughly wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in.

She hears the crowd cheering as they pull apart, she knows it will be on all the blogs and papers and that she’ll be asked a thousand and one questions but she doesn’t care. Because she’s just won a gold medal, and Roan still has his arms around her and is grinning like he doesn’t have a care in the world.

He doesn’t cut his hair. But they do frame their gold medals side by side.

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bellarke here are based on HawthorneWhisperer's iteration of them in her excellent ficlet [the right partner ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10194104/chapters/31339200) which you should read because it is Bellarke ice dancing and as mentioned, excellent. And Raven/Roan is inspired by actual USA Olympian Jamie Anderson who after her Slopestyle boarded straight into the arms of her Canadian boyfriend.
> 
>  **Buzzfeed Snow Hotties**  
>  1\. Lincoln, Team GB  
> 2\. Roan, Team Canada  
> 3\. Bellamy, Team USA


	2. O Captain, My Captain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my season five spec where Harper and Bellamy are bros who have chats about feelings and what not. (Also, I do actually think they are low-key ride or die bros in canon based on rewatches where he never hesitates to hug her and look after her but she never hesitates to have a gun ready when he needs it).
> 
> It's canon-verse I guess but also, not, because who knows what s5 will bring.
> 
> Also chapter title obviously is all Walt Whitman.

She finds him at the Chancellor’s window. She knew he’d be there, ever since that first day when he found _‘the Baton’_ with Raven it’s become his place to think. After nearly three years that hasn’t changed.

“Still a swirling mess of ash and fire?” Harper asks coming and standing next to him.

“Yep.” He nods looking down at the earth.

“Did you guys need me for something?” He asks after a beat.

“No. As it has been for the last 30-something months, we’re all ok. Just hadn’t seen you much this week. Thought I’d check in.”

“Just a strange week.” He says with a shrug.

“Bellamy, we’re in space. Again. Every week is a strange week.” She laughs.

“You know we’re past the half way mark now. Now each month that passes we’re closer to going back to earth.”

“Yeah, I know. I thought we’d celebrate half way, you know, but I guess no one has been much in the mood for celebrating.”

The last few months on the ring haven’t been easy. She broke up with Monty, it was a long time coming, when they finally had time to stop and discover who they are without the threat of constant death it turned out they were just too different, but that knowledge didn’t make it any easier – nothing up in space is ever easier.

Two and half years has been long enough for alliances to shift, to break and mend, to change, for familiarity to breed contempt, for reality to become real.

“Maybe we should have. Acknowledged it in some way at least.” Bellamy sighs.

“Perhaps. But it’s not like any of us don’t know how long we’ve been up here.” Harper says, sitting down and leaning her arms against the ledge.

“Is it just me or is it starting to look less… you know.” She says looking out.

“Maybe. Raven still won’t give up any parts for the radio. I just wish we could talk to the bunker.” He replies heavily, sitting down next to her.

“Me too. I miss Miller, can you believe that of all people, I miss Nathan sodding Miller.”

Bellamy laughs and smiles at her with soft eyes.

“Me too. Even though he could be an ass. He was always there.”

“Yeah. He was constant.” She sighs. “It’s not like I don’t miss others too, but I wonder what it would be like if he was here. And Clarke, of course.”

It’s become easier to talk about Clarke, although they try not to do it too often. Easier is still too hard. After almost three years her sacrifice hasn’t become lighter for any of them to bear, least of all Bellamy.

“I miss so many people but god I wish I could talk to O. I know she had it in her to be great and I wish I could witness that.”

“You will. In two and a half years we’ll be back and you can tell her how proud you are.”

“If there’s anything to go back to.”

“There will be, because I am not living on Emori’s algae soup for the rest of my life. I will taste real food again if it is the last thing I do.” Harper says defiantly as she stands up.

She holds out her hand to Bellamy.

“Come on.”

“Where?” he asks, taking her hand and standing up.

“We’re celebrating. We’ve made it half way. I know Monty has some almost finished moonshine somewhere, lets make the most of it.” She grins dropping his hand and turning away from the window.

They do celebrate. They get halfway drunk on almost ready moonshine. She talks to Monty again. They laugh and reminisce and cry, but they do celebrate that they’ve made it this far and that they’re still there.

*****

“You need to find a better hiding place.” Harper says as she walks up to Bellamy at the Chancellor’s window.

“I’m not hiding.” He mumbles.

“Sure.”

He glares at her but there’s no heat in it. For the last six months Harper has stopped at this window once a week looking for any signs that the earth is getting better. Sometimes Bellamy is there, sometimes he isn’t. But she’s found he doesn’t mind sharing his window with her when she needs it.

“I know what you’re doing.” She says casually.

“Is that right.”

“Yep.”

“Would you like to enlighten me?” He snarks.

“You’re hiding.”

“Apparently.”

“I just don’t know if you’re hiding from Raven or Echo. Or both.”

“I’m not hiding.” He huffs.

“Fine. Not hiding, just not dealing with whatever is going on.”

He says nothing, just stares out of the window with his arms folded.

“Did you really think they wouldn’t work out what you’re doing?”

“Given that I’m not doing anything, I don’t see what there is to work out.”

Harper sighs like the world is too much. She wouldn’t be bringing this up normally, it's not her business, but the ring is finally in harmony after her break up, the meteor shower and whatever was going on with Murphy and Emori last month and she wants to keep it that way.

And with the way that Echo and Raven have been glaring at Bellamy this week, she thinks if he doesn't sort it that peace and harmony might not last much longer. Particularly if Bellamy really hasn’t worked out what’s going on.

“You rely on Raven for her brain, you spar with her mentally. You ask her opinion on plans, you strategise together. When there are tough decisions to be made you turn to her for her opinion first.”

“So?”

“Echo challenges you, she’s impulsive and fierce. And there’s clearly some kind of physical chemistry there that you’ve given in to.”

He fixes her with a look.

“Hey no judgement, just stating facts.”

“Is there a point to these facts?” He huffs, arms folded, shoulders tense.

“You know I am always on your team right. I’ll always be one of your soldiers and have been since we first landed on earth.” She says softly.

She doesn’t mention that they were on opposing sides for the Pike months, because she knows he knows that, and the truth is, she still would have had his back if he’d needed her. She did when he came around, no questions asked.

He nods.

“So what I’m about to say is because you’re my captain and I care about you.”

“I haven’t been a guard for a long time.”

Harper rolls her eyes and nudges him with her shoulder.

“But yes, I know you’re on my side if I need you.” He says.

“The reason Raven and Echo are mad at you is because you’re using them–”

“I’m not using anyone.” He says angrily.

“If you’ll let me finish.” Harper replies holding up her hands in surrender pose.

He nods and she lowers her hands.

“You’re using them to replace Clarke.”

“I’m not… it’s not… I didn’t…”

“If it makes you feel better I don’t think you mean to but I think that’s how they feel.”

“You think or you know?”

“I’ve guessed.”

“I’m not trying to replace Clarke.” He says quietly, fiercely, after a beat.

“I know, but it might feel like that to them. If she was here, none of the other stuff would be happening.”

“Clarke and I were never, like that.”

“There was never time.”

“You and Monty made time. So did Emori and Murphy. Miller and Bryan. My sister and Lincoln.” He counters.

“All of us were the soldiers not the lieutenants. We had time because we weren’t saving everyone else. Because we were in the same place at the same time.”

“I’m not trying to replace her.” He says firmly.

“Maybe communicate that to Raven and Echo because right now it sure looks like it.”

He sighs and rubs his hands through his hair. Harper glances at him out of the corner of her eye, he looks dejected and she feels guilty, but he needs someone to talk to who doesn’t have emotions involved and she can be that person.

“I’ve been trying to hard to be less impulsive, to be considered, and I still mess it up.”

“You didn’t mess it up. Seven people alone in space, it was always going to be messy.”

“When did you get so smart?” He says with a small smile, putting his arm over her shoulders.

“I’ve always been good at people.” She shrugs under his arm.

They stand watching the world below, Harper’s sure it’s looking less angry but now isn’t the time to tell him that.

*****

She does tell him eventually though. When he finds her there a few weeks later. She knows he talked to Raven and Echo. She doesn’t know what was said – doesn’t want to know – but the ring is once more harmonious, so she doesn’t think it matters.

“Raven thinks there’s someone else in space.” He tells her.

Harper looks at him with a frown, “How is that possible?”

“I don’t know but she’s pretty sure the mark she keeps seeing on the radar is another ship.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. Monty’s in with her now working on a radio, we’re going to try and contact them tonight.”

“Wow. Makes my update insignificant.”

“What was it?” He asks, looking at her with genuine interest.

“I think that the earth is getting less angry.” She says with a shrug, pointing to a small patch in the top corner of the window.

He looks but doesn’t say anything, which she understands. It’s too much to contemplate right now.

“Come on,” Harper says nudging him with a smile, “lets go and see if we can do anything to help.”

*****

“Ready?” She asks.

Bellamy is standing at the window with his pack slung over one shoulder.

“You were right, there is something down there.”

“Yeah, well hopefully this new ship can get us down there.”

It took them the better part of six months to communicate with the other ship and a further three months after that to work out how to dock but they’ve done it and today is the day they leave the ring and join Eligius.

Raven, Echo and Monty wanted to join them. Harper voted against it. She was with Murphy and Emori on the ‘better the devil you know’ side of things. Bellamy made the final decision so now, four years and five months into their time in space, 53 months of being just the seven of them, they’re going to meet new people.

“Hopefully.” He sighs.

Bellamy reaches into his bag and brings out the empty bottle, _‘the Baton’_ and places it down on the ledge.

“May we meet again.” He says.

“I hope you’re saying that to earth because I really do not want to come back to this damn ring.” Harper laughs.

Bellamy laughs with her as they walk to the docking bay.

*****

It takes another year and a half to get back to earth. Eighteen months of tense negotiations, of joining up with criminals ( _“Nothing we haven’t done before,” notes Murphy_ ), of whispered conversations and argued alliances. But they make it back.

“Apparently there’s only one patch of green.” Bellamy says coming up to Harper in her room. Cell would be more appropriate but since the door isn’t locked she prefers to think of it as a room.

There are only a few windows on the Eligius ship and she doesn’t have access to them, so she hasn’t been able to track the earth like she was. It’s another thing she’s had to get used to.

“You think it’s our patch?” She asks.

“I hope so.” He smiles, “come on.”

Harper follows him out of her room to the main bay where they’ll all strap in for landing back on earth. She doesn’t know what, or who, they’ll find but she has the others. And Bellamy.

They'll survive. They always do.

 

 


	3. You never get any closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An angsty pre-s5 Bellamy pov drabble, hastily written (like, legit in about ten mins) so please forgive any mistakes.

Bellamy hasn’t spent every moment of the last six years thinking about what he would have done differently – that wouldn’t be possible.

He hasn’t spent every moment of the last six years thinking about what he would have said differently – that wouldn’t be possible.

He hasn’t spent every moment of the last six years thinking about leaving her behind – that wouldn’t be possible.

But, in the hidden moments, the twilight between sleep and awake when the only soundtrack is the beating of his heart, the thrum of blood in his veins and the whirring of the artificial air on the ring, he thinks about those things.

He thinks about the fact that the last thing he said to her was “you too,” words that he threw out without thinking.

He thinks about the fact that just moments before he said the final words to her he was snapping at her about using his head – he thinks about that a lot. He hopes she knew he wasn’t angry at her, just at the world, as usual.

He thinks about all of the pauses that have lived between them. The words he didn’t say. The words she didn’t say. The sentences he didn’t finish – the ones he didn’t want her to finish.

He thinks about the time she pulled the gun on him and he told her she’d have to kill him but she didn’t, couldn’t. He thinks about the fact that he could, he did. He left her behind – he killed her.

He thinks about routine. The routine he had on earth of turning to her for an opinion, an answer or just to be by his side.

He thinks about how quickly they became partners and how quickly it fell apart.

He thinks about how easy it was to put it back together, how she could forgive the things in him he couldn’t speak of. How he could do the same for her.

He thinks about what he’d do now, if he saw her just one last time. Would he hold her? Would he be able to tell her everything he wants to say?

In the darkest hours, the ones where sleep crawls around him but never takes hold, he imagines he has one more moment with her. He thinks about the bright blue of her eyes, the flash of blonde hair and the weight of her in his arms. And he knows he would hold on. He would say everything he wants to say.

He wonders if it would be the same now, after all this time, if she had survived, but he doesn’t let himself think like that, because even in his emptiest moments he knows – it isn’t possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to this: [postcards](https://youtu.be/StiDTKMUCtU) when I had this idea


	4. The Invisible Thread

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first becho, I think, at the very least my first published becho, and it's all angst so sorry about that. If it's not your thing, I get it – but I don't want to hear it. I guess spoilers up to 5x02 but not really because it's canon compliant rather than canon... but just in case you're properly avoiding.

“I don’t know how to fix it.” Is how Echo starts the conversation.

It’s dusk, people are around going about their jobs but no one is near enough to hear.

Bellamy is sitting by the low fire staring at the embers. He stiffens when she sits across from him but looks up casually.

“Fix what?”

Echo huffs out a hollow sound something between a laugh and a sigh.

“This.”

“The fire is meant to be low, we don’t want anyone to know we’re here.”

She doesn’t think he’s being deliberately difficult, but she knows he has a gift for hiding away the things he doesn’t want to think about.

“I didn’t mean the fire, Bellamy. I meant us.”

“Oh.” It comes out more like a sigh than a syllable.

“What about us?” He says softly, “I know things have been strange since we got back to the ground with not a moment to stop but I thought you understood.”

And that’s when Echo realises he’s going to make it difficult. Not intentionally but Bellamy Blake is a good man. Solid, honest and true. He promised things wouldn’t change and he’s sticking with it.

“I do Bellamy, I think I understand better than you do.”

“What are you talking about?”

He’s tired and she can hear that in his voice, the low timbre of exhaustion that she associates so much with the Bellamy she first met, seven years ago, not the one she loved in space.

“It’s not the same down here.” Echo tells him, “We’re not the same.”

She doesn’t add that they haven’t been the same since they heard Clarke’s voice on the Eligius transmission. That the moment he heard her voice the guilt he’d fought so hard to overcome entered again leaving little room for her. She doesn’t say that, doesn’t think it would be helpful.

“Of course it’s not the same, we’re fighting for our lives again,” he huffs poking at the embers angrily before adding softly, cautiously, “but I thought we were good.”

“Based on what exactly? The fact that we still share a tent?” Echo snaps, because she sees now this is how she has to do it.

Bellamy will hold on to her – the woman she became in space – because that’s what he does. He holds on to people, turns the ordinary into the extraordinary, turns men into heroes, women into icons. Weaves stories into myths.

And he made her story the truth. She did become more than a spy, a warrior, than Azgeda. She became a lover, a confidant, a friend. He gave her that – the others too of course – but he made it stick and because of that she can give him this.

“Come on Bellamy, it’s not just seven people in space anymore. We have options, we can be who we really are.”

“I am who I really was. I thought you were too.”

“Well, you thought wrong.” She shrugs, ignoring the bitter taste of the lie and the way the hurt flashes behind his eyes.

“No, I didn’t.” He snarls, because Bellamy has always been good for going toe-to-toe when she needs it. “I know you, so what the fuck is this.”

“This is me being done because you won’t be.”

He’s quiet for long enough that she thinks this might be it. That it will be as easy as saying it’s done. It isn’t of course.

“Why?” He asks so softly she almost doesn’t hear it.

Echo thinks of all the answers she could give him.

That he’ll never do it, that he’d stay with her because it’s the right thing and not what he wants.

That if there had been eight of them on the ring it would never have happened.

That she can see the thread that pulls him and Clarke together even if he can’t.

That she spent her whole life doing what everyone told her to do and he was the first decision that she made for herself and she’d like it to end that way too.

“Because on earth the people I care about die. And I don’t want that for you.” It’s as close to the truth as she’s willing to give him.

“That’s not up to you.”

“It is.”

She doesn’t tell him that it has to be this way because she’s loved someone who loved another before and it only ends with broken hearts and shattered lives. She told him the story once on the ring, he’d held her softly, listened quietly and probably thought he was talking about her when he’d said, _‘at least they knew you loved them’_ but she knew he wasn’t.

She hadn’t said anything then though, who wants to fight with a ghost, but there are no ghosts now. Just a fierce blonde with armour around her heart Echo recognises.

In a different life, maybe if there had been eight people in space, she thinks Wanheda might have made a good friend.

“Echo, don’t do this. I care about you.” He tries, and it makes her smile to see he actually means it, in his own way.

“You care about a lot of people. Raven, Emori, Murphy–”

“That’s not the same. You know what I mean.” He snaps, frustrated, his hands coming up to scrub over his face.

“It can be. Move me over to that group, care about me in that way.”

She walks around the fire and comes over to him, placing her hand on his shoulder and squeezing softly as he leans into her.

“This is the right thing, I promise.”

“But we’re done.”

“As a couple yes.” She says, brushing his hair away from his face as he turns to look at her, “But, you’re my family Bellamy, my people and I will fight beside you for as long as we have.”

Echo walks away then. Leaving him at the fire. It was the right decision, she knows that, but it still hurts. She heads towards the hut Emori and Raven are sharing if anyone will understand it’s them.

She pauses as she gets to the door her senses on high alert, as they have been since they came back to the ground. She turns back towards the fire, her eyes scanning the camp before landing on Bellamy.

He’s silhouetted in the low light. But he’s not alone, sitting further two spaces down from him is Clarke.

Echo recognises her profile from this distance, even with her new shorter hair. But, even if she hadn’t known instantly who it was she’s not surprised, the firelight is shimmering on the invisible thread.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a conversation about how Bellamy is the anti-Finn and therefore would most likely aggressively ignore his feelings about Clarke leading Echo to break up with him.


	5. Grab me by my ankles, I've been flying for so long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers up to 503!
> 
> I wanted more of what happened between the moment Madi found Bellamy and Spacekru and them appearing in the rover to rescue Clarke... so I wrote it. Un-beta'd drabble, all mistakes are very much mine.
> 
> Title from Florence + The Machine.

_Clarke’s alive. The bunker is still closed. Clarke’s alive. The bunker is still closed. Clarke’s alive. The bunker is still closed._

Clarke’s alive.

The first thing they’d noticed about the ground was how quiet it was but now Bellamy’s head is like a symphony of sound, well repetition.

_Clarke’s alive. The bunker is still closed._

Everything he thought he knew. Everything he had planned for is different.

“Where are we going?” Echo asks.

Bellamy is glad she’s there, glad she’s asking the questions because he can’t. Not yet. He’s still letting the child lead them. Lead him by the hand.

“We hunt around here in the summer, but follow my tracks and don’t go off the path. I think there were only two of them still after me but there are traps around here.” She says, glancing back over her shoulder at Echo.

“Of course there are.” Monty mutters darkly.

“Who are you?” Emori asks.

“I’m Madi. I’m-- I’m Clarke’s.” She tells them.

It’s that more than anything that rouses Bellamy. Hearing Clarke’s name again.

“Wait, stop.” He says, tugging her hand and coming to a halt.

“No we can’t. Clarke’s in trouble.”

“Look, we don’t know you. We thought Clarke was dead, so this could be a trap.” He explains.

Madi rolls her eyes at him and it reminds him so much of Clarke when they were first on the ground that he feels like he’s been punched in the stomach.

“You’re Bellamy. You’re Emori.” Madi starts turning to each of them, “Monty, Echo and Harper?” She guesses. When Harper nods, Madi smiles and adds, “Clarke normally draws you with a braid.”

“Clarke died in Primfaya.” Echo says.

“No, she didn’t. She survived and found me. We’ve been waiting for you to come back. We thought it was you the other day but it wasn’t. It was the soldiers, they tried to kill us and now they have her.”

That’s enough for Bellamy. The child, Madi, might be lying but he doesn’t think she is. And even if it is a trap he can’t risk it. He left Clarke to die once, he’s never doing it again.

“Ok, where are we going?” He asks, walking again.

“It’s just a bit further, through these trees.”

They walk the rest of the way mostly in silence.

“She was nightblood, it’s possible.” Monty whispers.

“But she’d have been all alone, how could she have survived.” Harper asks.

“It’s Clarke.” Monty replies.

Bellamy doesn’t say anything, he’s already working on a plan. To be honest it’s the same plan they had in space – their people in exchange for keeping the cryo prisoners alive. It’s just that in this plan "their people" aren't the ones from the bunker or Octavia. It’s Clarke.

“Here. Help me move these branches,” Madi calls running on ahead into a clearing between some trees.

It take a second for their eyes to adjust but when they do it’s clear. It’s the rover.

“My god, I never thought I’d see this thing again.” Harper is grinning at Bellamy.

“Me neither.” He smiles back.

“How did it even survive.” Monty mutters, running his hands along the side.

“Clarke can explain. She says she’s been waiting on Raven to give it a tune-up for over a year.” Madi laughs, looking so young again for just a moment. Her smile falls as she looks around her and asks, “Where is Raven?” 

“She’s safe. But we need to find Clarke. Where are they holding her? Do you know?” Bellamy interrupts.

Madi explains about their home and Bellamy feels his heart stutter at the idea of the world Clarke created, the world he was looking down on but could never really see.

“Ok, can you draw me a map?” He asks Madi.

“I’m going with you.”

“No you’re not. You’re just a child.” He snaps back.

“A child who saved your life. Who knows how to drive and the fastest way to get there.” Madi argues hands on hips and fierceness behind her eyes and he relents, she’s right.

“I’ll come too, as back up.” Echo adds.

“No.” Bellamy replies, bluntly. “You four stay here. Stay together and stay out of sight. If anything goes wrong you’ll need to be safe.”

They all open their mouths to protest, but Bellamy doesn’t let them, “this isn’t up for discussion.”

He hits the hood of the rover, “Madi, lets go.”

Bellamy doesn’t let himself look back, not at Echo, not at any of them. Using the prisoners as leverage was Echo’s plan and it was a good one but he’s not willing to risk more lives. He has to save Clarke.

Madi tells him the drive isn’t far to the village and he asks her about the bunker.

She explains that it’s buried under rubble. That Clarke tried. That Madi and Clarke tried but they just weren’t strong enough on their own.

“Well you’re not on your own now.” He says, trying to push the image of his sister trapped below ground out of his mind, “we’re here. We’ll get them out.”

“I know. Clarke said you’d come.”

The certainty in her voice makes his stomach swoop, she was sure because Clarke was sure, even though he left her to die.

He’s stopped from having to respond by Madi’s whispered, “we’re here,” as they pull into a village. A village that looks completely untouched, but Bellamy doesn’t have time to marvel at that because he can see, illuminated in the headlights, soldiers standing around a figure on the ground.

Clarke.

Madi goes to get her gun but he stops her.

“Madi, no. Take the rover back, that’s the plan.” He says unable to tear his eyes from the scene in front of him, but he forces himself to and looks at the girl and he tells her, honestly, “I won’t let anything happen to Clarke, I promise.”

Bellamy swings open the door and jumps down. The words in his head start repeating again.

_The bunker is still closed. Clarke’s alive. The bunker is still closed._

He takes a breath, steeling himself, before shutting the door.

Clarke first. The rest they will figure out together.


	6. More than survive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for 504
> 
> Super quick drabble of Raven and Murphy in space discussing Clarke and Bellamy. Set in 504, just after they find out she survived, so spoilers obviously.

“Clarke’s alive,” Raven repeats for the third time, her voice filling with awe.

“I’m aware. I heard her too.” Murphy snarks, but it doesn’t land, not quite. She can see the softness in his eyes, the disbelief.

Six years they spent thinking about the sacrifice Clarke made for them. It doesn’t feel like hyperbole to say they thought about her every day for six years, they did. One of them always had her in their thoughts.

“I can’t believe she really survived.” Raven sighs, leaning back in her chair, “I mean I knew she was a survivor but this is next level.”

“No one is ever allowed to question my survival instinct again.” Murphy shoots back spinning around in his chair.

“Noted.” Raven grins.

“I can’t believe we spent six years of ‘Clarke didn’t die for this’” Murphy laughs, deepening his voice to do his Bellamy impression, “every time we made a mess and she didn’t fucking die.”

Raven laughs, before suddenly sitting up, “Oh shit.”

“What? What’s wrong? Is it the sleepers?” Murphy asks worried, staring at the screen in front of Raven.

“No, no, nothing like that, it’s just, Bellamy.” Raven spins in her chair to face him, “Clarke’s alive.”

“I know-“ Murphy starts before understanding floods his face and he chuckles, “Clarke’s alive. And with Bellamy.”

“Yep.” Raven grins.

“I can’t fucking believe we’re up here, missing that reaction,” Murphy huffs.

“I bet he lost his shit.”

“No way, with those two it was probably all longing looks and saying nothing,” Murphy snarks, “I mean, that’s how it was before right?”

“Yeah, but that was before she literally came back from the dead. Well, not literally, but you know what I mean.”

“Well, sounds like they’re already under pressure down there so it will be the Queen and her Knight again.”

“Don’t call them that.” Raven snaps.

“What, I know a psychotic AI put the phrase in your brain, but I have to stay it fits”

Raven rolls her eyes but she looks thoughtful when she speaks again.

“That was then. It’s been six years. And she was all alone. They might not be like that now.”

“We’ll see.” Murphy shrugs.

“I’m serious. Blake’s different.” Raven says adding a little guilty, “And there’s his thing with Echo.”

Murphy scrubs his hand across his face tiredly, “You know what, I changed my mind. I’m glad we’re up here. That sounds like a clusterfuck of emotions and I have had enough of that.”

“Tiny violin.” Raven smirks.

“Funny.” Murphy deadpans, before continuing, “but I’m serious. Bellamy found out Clarke was alive and now he gets to see his sister. That’s a lot for even him.”

Raven chuckles, “I can’t believe Clarke’s alive.”

“We need to make sure we stay alive too. I want to know how the fuck she did it and if her and Blake start fucking, I want to say I told you so.”

“Real nice, Murphy.”

“What, I called it.”

“Bellamy has Echo.” Raven says, again, slowly.

“Yeah but she knew what those two were like then. And she saw him up here those first few years, it's not like she wouldn't suspect. Plus, she’s a pragmatist." Murphy sighs, "You can’t stand in the way of that.”

“You’re a cheerleader for happy ever after now.”

“Nope. I’m a pragmatist too.” Murphy shrugs, “And like I said, I fucking called it.”

Raven’s response dies on her lips as the screen in front of her starts flashing, with a text alert. And just like that Bellamy and Clarke are, not quite forgotten, but pushed aside as Raven and Murphy concentrate on surviving.


	7. If you're still bleeding you are the lucky ones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A post 5x05 spec, so spoilers obviously.
> 
> This is set directly after Spacekru and Bellamy reunite in 5x05 and is Octavia and Clarke talk about Wonkru and war. This is canon compliant so there is background Becho, not a lot, but it's there, so if that isn't your thing, don't read.
> 
> Title from Youth by Daughter

“Madi are you ok?” Clarke asks checking her over, twisting the girl’s face towards her and running her hands down her arms.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Madi sighs, but Clarke draws her back in for another hug.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees the others start to get out of the rover. Then Bellamy jogs past her to Echo.

They embrace and Clarke watches for a split second before turning her attention back to Madi who is talking a mile-a-minute.

“Why are you here? You know there are sandstorms this time of year. We found Murphy, he called me a hobbit.” Madi grins up at Clarke, “What’s a hobbit?”

Clarke smiles down about to explain when she half-hears Octavia growl, “what’s she doing here.”

She knows, instinctively, that Octavia is talking about Echo and having just witnessed her little speech to Bellamy, that there is no way that conversation will end well.

“Do you want to meet Octavia?” Clarke asks Madi taking her by the hand.

“Oh my, do I? Yeah!” Madi smiles, her grin widening as she bounces around looking for Octavia.

Clarke manoeuvres Madi around and they start to walk to Octavia. Under other circumstances, she’d hesitate before letting Madi meet this new version of Octavia Blake – the self-styled Blodreina. But as the last few days have constantly reminded Clarke, war does not stop for your hesitations.

As they walk towards Octavia Clarke looks back over her shoulder at Bellamy and Echo, he meets her eye, as she knew he would and nods once. It’s barely an incline of the head but Clarke knows he understands what she is doing, the space she is giving them.

A lot has changed in six years, clearly, but not this. Not their ability to communicate with just a glance.

“Octavia,” Clarke says, interrupting the fierce gaze that Octavia is sending towards Bellamy and Echo, “this is Madi.”

Octavia turns her attention to Clarke and Madi, who has now gone quiet.

“She helped me survive for the last six years,” Clarke adds when Madi just looks at Octavia with awe.

“You must be very strong,” Octavia says haltingly, she doesn’t have Bellamy’s easy ability with children but it was the right thing to say.

“Not as strong as you!” Madi grins, “Clarke told me all about you. She said you were the fiercest warrior. She called you Skairipa.”

Octavia turns to Clarke and raises one eyebrow and for a moment Clarke sees a glimpse of Octavia Blake again, the girl she once knew.

“Is that right? I haven’t heard that name in a long time.” Octavia says turning back to Madi.

Madi starts to speak again but gets distracted, “what happened to your arm?”

“A creature bit her,” Clarke says. It’s not entirely true but easier than explaining the horror of skin-burrowing worms.

“Does it hurt?” Madi asks Octavia softly.

“Not anymore. Clarke fixed it.”

“She’s good at that,” Madi begins rambling about the time she fell in the woods and Clarke helped her.

Clarke notices that Octavia is no longer focused on Madi but her attention is back on Echo and Bellamy who are standing talking to Monty and Harper.

“Madi,” Clarke interrupts the girl’s story, “do we have any of the dockweed in the rover? It might help Octavia’s arm.”

Clarke knows appealing to Madi’s sense of helping Octavia is the best thing she can do right now.

“Oh yeah! I bet we do I’ll run and look.”

Madi is up before Clarke can say another word.

“A child?” Octavia says her tone back to the clipped vowels of Blodreina.

“It’s a long story.”

Octavia nods, “she should not be here.”

For a moment Clarke thinks she’s talking about Madi but then realises that she is once again looking at the group containing Bellamy and Echo who have now been joined by Miller.

“She’s with them.” Clarke shrugs.

“She’s banished.”

“Banished from a land that no longer exists.” Clarke reasons.

“She tried to cheat the conclave and steal the bunker, which makes her an enemy of Wonkru,” Octavia spits.

“Wonkru did not exist when she did that.” Clarke argues, “Besides, I tried to take the bunker too. Am I an enemy of Wonkru?”

Octavia turns to look at Clarke, the side of her mouth lifting in a small quirk, not quite a smile, more calculating, but close.

“I thought about it, but no. You were trying to save your people, my brother. I can’t fault you for that.”

“Echo was doing the same.”

“No. She was trying to save herself, the hell with the rest of us.” Octavia bites, before turning to Clarke again, “but it looks like she’d save my brother now.”

Clarke tries not to bristle at Octavia’s tone but it’s not like she doesn’t agree. Bellamy and Echo are clearly something. Even if Clarke hadn’t seen them reunite watching them standing together, talking with the others their bodies turned toward each other, she’d know. It’s a stance Clarke recognises from a long time ago.

“Is that a bad thing?” Clarke asks, “that she’d save Bellamy.”

“It depends who she is saving him from.” Octavia responds, she’s quiet for a moment then adds, “but I will leave it for now. If she does not come against me, I will not go against her.”

“Thank you,” Clarke replies.

She doesn’t know why she’s bargaining for Echo’s absolution, it’s not like she knows her, but it seems unnecessary to fight each other. At least that’s what she’s telling herself.

“We have to go to war Clarke and you will all have to pick a side.”

“It seems like a bad idea to go to war when there are so few of us left.”

“Perhaps. But this is what warriors do, and Wonkru are warriors.”

They see Madi slam the rover door and start running back towards them.

“Who I lead is clear. It looks like my brother has chosen who he stands with,” Octavia says pushing herself up into a more seated position with effort, “So what about you Clarke. Who are your people?”

She is saved from a response by the return of Madi who instantly sits down next to a bemused Octavia and starts talking her through their herb pouch.

Clarke doesn’t want a war. She admires the strength of Wonkru but something about the fear her mother showed and the blind devotion of the others niggles at her, not to mention Octavia’s earlier proclamation against Bellamy.

But if it is war and she has to choose a side, is the devil you know not the better one?

Once Clarke would have known exactly what side she was on. She would have said that her people were Bellamy. And Monty, Harper and Miller. But Miller is Wonkru now and Bellamy has his arm around Echo’s waist.

Now she does not know where their loyalties would lie if, when, war comes. But she knows hers.

Clarke does not want war. But if it comes she will protect her people. She will protect Madi.


	8. I was gonna wait for you, but now I've waited too long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A season 5 spec, set about three weeks after 5x05. So spoilers up to then.
> 
> Obviously I don't know what's going to happen but what I want to happen is an angsty Bellarke chat, so I wrote it. 
> 
> Title from Wait by Amy Vachal, because, my god, that line is Bellarke.

“You’re leaving?” His voice, although only a whisper, echoes through the alleyway, “Really.”

Clarke turns to face him, his face half visible in the darkness, the moon not providing much illumination here. She can see from his expression, face closed jaw set and the way he’s standing that it wasn’t a question – he’s found out her plan.

“Who told you?” She sighs.

“Does it matter?” He snaps back.

“Bellamy-” she starts, but he steps up to her and cuts her off by pushing her softly against the wall into the darkness.

His body is caging her against the wall and she can’t see around him. This close she can see the pulse in his jaw ticking, feel his breath on her hair as he looks down. She’s about to ask what’s going on when she hears footsteps go past the end of the alleyway. One of the Wonkru patrols that Octavia set up when they returned to Polis three weeks ago.

“In here.” He whispers gruffly, pulling at her arm and pushing her into an empty shell of a room.

“I can’t. I have to get to Madi.” She huffs, when they’re inside. Clarke takes a step towards the door but Bellamy blocks it. He’s bigger than he was and she knows to really get past him she’d have to fight, but that’s not what she wants. She just wants to get Madi and go.

“Madi’s why I’m here.”

“What?” Clarke exclaims frantically, “what do you mean?”

“Cooper caught her trying to sneak out.”

Clarke stumbles back against a table that’s miraculously still standing.

“Oh my god. Is she ok? Where is she?”

“Safe in the bunker. She’s with Monty and the others.” Bellamy says watching Clarke carefully.

“How?”

Clarke’s hand is on her chest, as she tries to steady her breathing. Out of all of Octavia’s disciples Kara Cooper is the one she trusts least and fears most. Her only loyalty appears to be to Octavia and Clarke knows from bitter experience how dangerous a loyalty like that can be.

“Miller intercepted them. Told Cooper that Madi was just playing and that if she bothered Blodreina with children’s games it would be her funeral,” Bellamy grimaces at the word Blodreina but continues, “Cooper believed him. And Miller brought Madi to me.”

“Why you?”

“He thought you’d be with me.” Bellamy shrugs awkwardly, not meeting her eye.

Clarke ignores that.

“But she’s safe? Madi?”

Bellamy nods.

“And Miller, he’s with you now? Not Wonkru?” Even after three weeks she still stumbles over the word, and reality, of Wonkru.

Bellamy sighs and rubs his hand over his beard, the beard she’s still not used to seeing.

“Not exactly. He’s still Wonkru but I don’t know how much of what happened down there he agreed with and how much he did because he had to.”

“Who we are and who we need to be to survive are very different things, right?” She says.

They’re words from a lifetime ago but she knows by the look on his face that he remembers them too.

“Something like that.”

They’re silent for a beat, no noise is coming in from outside. The room is dark the moonlight coming in from the window is the only light. Clarke glances around the room trying to work out what it was before Primfaya and if she ever came here when it was Polis. But she can make out nothing but shadows.

“Were you really just going to leave?” Bellamy says softly.

“Yes.”

“What about our people?” He sighs.

“I was doing this for my people, for Madi.”

“And what about me and the others, we’re not your people?” He snaps.

Clarke doesn’t say anything to that, the answer is too big, too exposing, so she just shrugs.

“Really Clarke, you won’t even give me an explanation?”

“What do you want from me.” She huffs, tiredness seeping through her.

She’d forgotten how exhausting constant fear is. Three weeks of living in the bunker, of the lingering smell of blood and death surrounding them. Three weeks of strategising when Octavia couldn’t hear. She was tired.

“I don’t want you to go,” he admits after a beat. “I want you to stay with us.”

“It’s not safe here.”

“It is with us. We’re you’re people Clarke, we’ll protect each other, that’s what we do.”

Clarke isn’t sure if the sound she makes is closer to a laugh or a sob, but it hurts.

“I’m not your people any more. We want different things.”

“That’s ridiculous-“

Clarke cuts him off.

“No it’s not. You want to stay, want to reason with your sister. I want to get Madi the hell away from her.”

“Ok, well then let’s talk to the others.”

“You still don’t get it do you. They’re not my people Bellamy, they’re loyal to you. Emori, Echo, they were never mine why would they care what I need to do and Monty, Harper they look to you even more now.”

“That’s not true. Monty and Harper, Murphy, all of them would listen to you. We could discuss this.”

“There’s nothing to discuss.”

“What about Raven?”

“She’s not here and if she was who knows, but she’s not. She’s with my mom and Kane. She’s where I’m going.”

“You can’t just go alone.” He grumbles, his hands on his hips.

“It’s been six years.” She sighs sadly, softly, “I’m used to making my own decisions.”

“So what, you coped by yourself and now you don’t need us.” He snaps.

There’s something about his expression that jolts Clarke and makes her say the words she swore she would never say.

“No, I don’t need you now. I needed you and you left me.”

Bellamy recoils as if he’s been slapped.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” she starts.

“You did mean it though. And why not, it’s true. I left you behind to die.” He says, not meeting her eyes.

“But I didn’t die.” She pleads guiltily, willing him look at her.

He carries on as if he hasn’t heard her, “but I thought you did. And it was my fault.”

“Bellamy it was no ones fault.” She tries moving closer to him.

“I left you all alone.”

“I wasn’t alone.” She tries.

“Yeah, I know you had Madi. A child.” He scoffs.

“Bellamy-” She tries, but he carries on.

“But she was just a child.”

“Yes, she was but-” she tries again, but he’s still going.

“And I know you love her but you forget I know precisely how lonely looking after someone else can be. I remember what it was like when Octavia was small and how alone I was.”

He still won't look at her and she's furious that he won't just listen.

“I wasn’t alone because I had you!” She shouts.

The sound echoes around the room and for a moment Clarke thinks that the Wonkru scouts are coming back to discover them, but it’s not footsteps, just the pulsing of blood in her own veins.

She can feel her face flaming and looks down at the ground.

“What?” He croaks.

Clarke wonders if she can get away without answering, pretend she never said anything.

But then he says “Clarke,” in such a broken whisper it reminds her of the boy he was a long time ago.

“Before I even found Madi. I had you.”

Clarke glances at him briefly and registers the shock and confusion on his face. She knows she needs to tell him everything.

“I had the radio from the rover and after I went to what was once Arcadia I managed to scavenge enough stuff to boost the crappy signal. And so I radioed you. Everyday. I told you how lonely it was with nothing but ruins as far as the eye could see. I told you how lonely I was. I told you about finding the valley. I told you how proud I was of you for doing what you had to do, for making it to the ring. I told you when I found Madi,” she falters but keeps going, “and even when I found her, when she was my family, I still spoke to you every day.”

Clarke looks up at him then, her eyes searching for his in the darkness.

“You asked me how I survived alone and I told you it was because of Madi. And she helped, god, she changed everything. But I survived long enough to meet her and l survived to raise her because of you.”

“I thought you were dead.” He half sobs.

“I’m not though.”

“I mourned for you. I didn’t forget you but, I-”

Clarke goes to him then and does what they never used to do unless it was life or death, what she promised herself she would do more. She hugs him.

She leans in and wraps her arms around his waist, turning her head to rest of his chest and hesitantly his arms close around her. Softly at first and then clinging on.

“I didn’t die Bellamy, I’m right here.”

“But you’re leaving again.”

“I have to for my family, just like you have to stay for yours.”

“I need you Clarke.” He says softly into her hair, before she can reply he continues, “This last week, no matter how awful Eligius have been or how terrifying my sister and her gladiator cult are I’ve felt lighter, and it’s because of you. It’s because I don’t have to live for your memory. I don’t have to ask myself what you would do, how you would act, I can just look at you and I know.”

She doesn’t response, doesn’t know how too.

“I don’t know how to describe it but I know you feel it too.”

She does. It’s like she’s been humming half a melody but could never quite catch the whole thing and now he’s back it’s like hearing the song sung by a full choir.

“I do, but-” Clarke says pulling back reluctantly.

“I know, Madi. But I can’t be without you again.”

“It won’t be forever, just let me get her safe.”

“I’ll come with you.” He tries, still not letting her pull away fully.

“You can’t. It would go against your sister and you’d be an enemy of Wonkru.” Clarke frowns at the words.

“Then take Echo.”

“What? No!” Clarke exclaims pulling back from him.

“She’s our best fighter.”

“So she should stay with you. Gladiator cult, remember.”

“Trust me I remember, but we can handle ourselves. Plus Echo is in danger here, being with you might actually save her.”

“That makes sense. But don’t you want to keep her with you.”

Clarke doesn’t want to say she knows they’re together, doesn’t know how to talk about that.

Instead she says, “I know you’ll worry.”

“I will worry.” He says gruffly, “But I’ll worry less if she’s with you and Madi. The three of you can protect each other.”

“Fine.” Clarke relents because she knows that set of his jaw and wide stance, and knows she won’t win this, “But I’m leaving with Madi first thing tomorrow, no matter what.”

He nods.

“I mean it Bellamy.” She says glaring at him.

“I know.”

Clarke nods and makes her way towards the doorway, hoping they’ll be able to sneak back in to the underground-nightmare unseen.

“Clarke,” he says softly, grabbing her wrist and pulling her back towards him.

He swallows as if steeling himself and looks down at the ground. But when he looks back up, his hand warm around her wrist, and his eyes find hers he says clearly, “Leave tomorrow and protect Madi but this time, you have to come back to me.”

Clarke twists her wrist in his hand, moving her hand to hold his, because she doesn't have the words to tell him that of course she'll come back to him. That she only survived the last six years because of the hope of him, but now she has the reality of him again she knows that wouldn't be enough if she had to do it again.

She doesn't know how to say that though. So instead she looks up at him, as she grasps his hand and squeezes, hoping he understands – he meets her eyes and she knows he does. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: in my original version of this I had Bellamy explain that he was no longer with Echo and then him and Clarke kissed.


	9. You taught me the courage of stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some angsty Bellamy/Echo with background Bellarke. 
> 
> I started writing this before 5x07 so it doesn't take into account anything that happened in 5x08. And to be honest it's my own interpretation of canon anyways, but still s5 spoilers.
> 
> This went a very different way that I thought it would and I'm not sure I like it but such is life. 
> 
>  
> 
> _title from Sleeping At Last_

“Did you know I remember the exact moment you stopped being civil to me and started seeing me as a friend, as maybe something more?”

Echo’s voice bounces off the walls, loud enough to be heard by anyone who is awake. But there’s no one except them sitting by the fire right now. Everyone else is asleep or at least pretending.

They’re in a cave near Eden. With Murphy and Emori. Raven and some guy named Shaw that Bellamy is not convinced by. Him and Echo. And of course, Gaia, Clarke and Madi. He travelled with them to get away from his sister. Something he thought he’d never have to do.

They were able to make radio contact with Raven and head to the cave she’s hiding in. He didn’t expect to see Echo, but it was a relief to see her again. Alive and in one piece.

“There wasn’t one moment.” He replies, dragging his attention back to the conversation at hand, “it happened gradually, you know that.”

They’ve talked about it before. How he went from distrust to friendship, to something else, something that feels a lot like love, if he knew what that was meant to feel like.

“You always say that,” she smiles, “but I know the moment.”

“Yeah? Do tell?” He teases softly.

“We were talking about stars and it was the first time you and I were on the same side again.”

He remembers.

It was about halfway through their time in space and Echo had been at the window staring not back at Earth but at the stars around them.

She’d made a comment about stars being magic, and Raven had scoffed explaining that stars were little more than pockets of hot gas.

It was good-natured but Echo wouldn’t budge from her assessment that they were magic. Even when the others, including Emori, had teased her for her grounder beliefs she kept saying they were magic.

The argument had long since ended and they were all walking back to their rooms to turn in for the night when Bellamy passed her and said, “for what it’s worth, I think they’re magic too.”

She’s right in a way, he thinks. Things did change from that moment, but it was still gradual. He didn’t think about Echo that night when he went to sleep. No, he thought about a blonde ghost who’d once asked him about wishing on a shooting star.

“Yeah, I remember.” He smiles at her, but he can’t help glancing to the corner he knows Clarke is sleeping in. It’s unconscious, he doesn’t notice but Echo does.

“We can never get that time back, can we?” She asks softly.

He’s not sure if it’s a question but he answers anyway.

“One day, maybe. Not that I’m desperate to eat Monty’s algae again,” he laughs quietly, “but finding our own corner of Eden will be nice.” He replies, and reaches out towards her.

“That doesn’t seem very likely right now.” She sighs.

“What’s this about? It’s not like you to be so defeatist, I know my sister is--” He trails off, because honestly he doesn’t know what his sister is anymore.

“It’s not just Octavia. Although she won’t settle until Dioyza and her people are gone. It’s everything. We were hiding in space Bellamy, it wasn’t real.”

“It was.” He replies fiercely.

“It wasn’t,” she replies shaking her head, “it was a bubble. A wonderful, safe, bubble, but it wasn’t real life.”

He goes to speak but she keeps talking.

“We’ve barely been back on the ground a week and so much has changed. Your sister is leading a cult. There’s an army of murderers who would rather die than give up their land. We’re hiding in a cave, again. Not to mention ghosts have come back to life.”

Bellamy stiffens at that. He doesn’t mean to but he doesn’t know how to talk about Clarke with Echo. They’re not friends, he doesn’t even think they interacted that much six years ago – it’s another lifetime he can barely remember. In his mind they exist in two worlds, there’s his world with Clarke. And his world with Echo.

He ignores the squirming feeling that gives him and instead turns to Echo, their knees knocking so she really looks at him.

“Things may be different but we don’t have to be.” He says sincerely.

“We already are.”

“We’re not. We’re here together. Just like before.” He tells her, taking her hand in his, stroking his thumb over her knuckles brushing the long ago fought battle scars that linger.

“You’ve already had to go up against your sister for me. What next?”

Bellamy frowns, “What else is there?”

He means it too. He never thought he’d choose someone over Octavia. Never could have dreamed it. But he did. Or at least told her he would. And he meant it.

“What if what I think is right is not the right thing for everyone else?” She asks.

“Then we talk, just like on the ring.” Bellamy replies confused.

He doesn’t understand what she’s talking about, why she looks so exhausted.

He realises what she’s getting at the second before she says it, when this time it’s her eyes that flit over to where Clarke is laying with her back to them.

“What if what I think we should do and what Clarke thinks we should do are different?” She asks wearily.

Bellamy can’t say it’s something he’s thought about. He hasn’t. He hasn’t had to. That’s been part of the benefit of keeping Clarke and Echo in two separate realities in his mind.

He’s learnt to control his temper over the past six years but it’s still there, the anger rumbling below the surface. It’s that anger that makes his next words harsher than he means.

“Do I not have an opinion? Do I just follow you or Clarke blindly?” He snaps loudly.

It’s loud enough for the word blindly to ricochet around them. He looks guiltily over to where Clarke lies but she doesn’t move. But he knows her. She was never a deep sleeper and he doubts six years alone has changed that.

He lowers his voice.

“I’m sorry. I just don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I want you to admit that things have changed.” She replies her voice quiet, matching his.

“Of course I admit that. My sister is in charge of a gladiator cult and we had to run because she was going to put Madi in a conclave.” He sighs tiredly, “But that doesn’t mean I want us to change.”

“What we want and what we get are not the same thing.”

They’re both silent, lost in their own thoughts. The firelight casts shadows around the cave and Bellamy wonders why it is on earth that they always find themselves somewhere they can’t see the stars.

He doesn’t want to be the one to speak because he doesn’t want to have the conversation, doesn’t want to know what she’s going to say. But he learnt a long time ago Echo can out-stubborn him, one of only three people that can.

“If I admit that things have changed, is that enough? For us?” He asks, even though somewhere inside of him he already knows the answer.

“Did you know that not long after the stars conversation Raven told me that she had always known the stars weren’t magic but that she once loved someone who believed they were.” Echo starts softly.

Bellamy didn’t know that but he knows who she’s talking about.

“Finn”

“Yes. She told me all about him. About how he made her believe in more than just science.”

“He was good at making people believe things.” Bellamy says coldly.

He’s sorry the guy died but he still finds it hard to champion Finn Collins all these years later.

“Raven told me about coming back down to Earth the first time and that her Finn was now weaving tales of magic to Clarke.”

“Clarke didn’t know.” Bellamy says quickly, “it was a different time.”

“I wasn’t accusing Clarke,” Echo says with a sad, soft smile, “And Raven didn’t blame her either. She just told me what it was like when the person that made you believe in magic now believed in someone else.”

Bellamy doesn’t know what to say. And the silence hangs long enough to be uncomfortable.

“I’m not Finn.” He says eventually, “it’s not the same thing.”

“I know.” She tells him, taking his hands in hers, weaving their fingers together.

Bellamy doesn’t say anything, she’s obviously not finished.

“But I also know people can’t follow two paths.”

“I’m not--” Bellamy starts.

“You told Octavia that you’d leave for me.”

“And I meant it.”

“I know.” She smiles sadly, “but you did leave for Clarke.”

“That’s not the same” he splutters, “We left to protect Madi. And we came to find you. And Raven and the others.”

“And tomorrow, or the next day when Octavia comes. Will you stay with me or will you leave with Clarke.”

“You’re my family.” He says fiercely, gripping her hands.

“So is Octavia and I won’t do that.”

“It’s not--” he begins but Echo cuts him off.

“You know, in the story of Raven, Finn and Clarke. You’re not Finn. But I’m Clarke.”

“What?” He huffs confused.

“In their story Clarke interrupted what was already there. In our story, I did.”

He pulls his hands back from hers and rubs his face tiredly, scratching at his beard.

“It’s not the same. You and I are a couple, we’re together. Clarke and I were friends a lifetime ago, we’re nothing now.”

He sees the tiny movement from the corner of his eye coming from where Clarke lays and knows that Echo did too.

“You’re not nothing. You two will never be nothing.” Echo says firmly, looking over at Clarke’s corner, which is still once again.

“We’re different people than we once were. She has Madi and I have you and the others.” Bellamy snaps, “I’m not arguing over ghosts with you.”

He’s tired. It might have only been a week but it feels like a lifetime ago that he slept through the night without the worry that sits in his chest and keeps his eyes open now they’re back.

“I’m not arguing over ghosts either. I’m keeping hold of the people that believe in magic. I’m keeping you, Bellamy, just not like before.” Her eyes are glassy but Bellamy has never seen her cry, not once in six years, and doubts he will now.

“It doesn’t sound like that. It sounds like you’re giving up.”

“I’m doing what’s right.”

“Right for who?”

“For you.”

He scoffs.

“For me too.” She adds.

He doesn’t speak, doesn’t know what to tell her but she continues anyway.

“Trust me, please. You haven’t been to Eden. You haven’t seen her house, I have.” Echo’s voice is barely a whisper now.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“You’ll see I promise.”

“I don’t want this, Echo. I don’t want to lose you.” He pleads.

“You’re not. I’m doing this so you that if the time comes when you are both ready you won't have to make a choice. You won't lose anyone else.”

He goes to speak, but she cuts him off, “when have I ever let you down?”

Bellamy smirks at that and for a moment the sadness lifts.

“In the last six years.” Echo amends wryly.

He smiles, “you haven’t.”

“And I won’t. I still believe stars are magic.” She says leaning her forehead against his softly.

“So do I.”

*

It doesn’t change overnight. They’re still at war and that takes priority.

But there does come a day when it looks like time might be on their side.

It’s after he’s seen Clarke’s home. After he’s heard that she spoke to him every day. After they’ve fought side by side for their people – which now include Madi, Emori and Echo as well as the rest of the remaining 100. It’s after he’s told her what it was like thinking he was the reason she died. After he told her he couldn’t grieve for her because at first, he’d wake each morning after dreams where she was still alive and have to lose her once more. It’s after they’ve bared their souls and found each other again.

It’s after he finally got the chance to wish on a shooting star and Echo laughed but told him that she still believed they were magic and that she thought his wish might come true.

He chooses to leave with Clarke and Echo is right behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I really want canon Bellarke I want Becho to have a resolution that doesn't do any of them a disservice and I don't want Bellamy "picking" someone and I hope that was clear here.


	10. Feel no glory, feel no pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't felt very inspired since s5 ended and I'm not sure if/when that will change... but, I was idly musing on twitter that I would love a bottle episode with the remaining delinquents. I know we will never, ever, get that so I wrote it. Be the change you wanna see and all that jazz.
> 
> This isn't a Bellarke fic (though I'm always trash for them). It's a friendship fic. It's a forgiveness fic. 
> 
> Title from Make It Holy by The Staves.

“Ahhh!” Raven slaps her hands down on the control panel in frustration, “this is ridiculous!”

“Still not working?” Murphy asks lazily from his seat in front of the window. He’s meant to be on watch, but there’s not much to watch.

“No it’s working perfectly, I just like to complain.” Raven snarls at him.

He opens his mouth to respond but he closes it when she whirls around to glare at him.

Satisfied he’s going to be quiet Raven nods to herself and calls out for Shaw.

“Yep?” He says sliding out from under the mainframe.

“Can you check the main panel in the east wing for me?”

“Sure thing.” He stands and wipes his hands on his overalls before going over and placing a soft kiss on her head, “if anyone can fix this trashcan it’s you. Breathe.”

She scowls at his back as he walks away but does breathe. “If you see Bellamy can you send him in!” She shouts at Shaw’s retreating back.

“I guess that means my brother isn’t here.” Octavia says as she enters the bridge.

“What gave it away?” Murphy snarks.

Octavia rolls her eyes at him but doesn’t respond. When it’s clear that no one else is going to say anything, she says, “Can I wait for him here?”

“If you can’t find him it’s because he doesn’t want to be found.” Raven offers, not turning away from the control panel in front of her.

She doesn’t know exactly what happened between the Blake siblings but she knows it was nothing good and that even after 125 years in cyrosleep Bellamy isn’t exactly forgiving of his little sister.

“Which is why it makes sense for me to wait here, where he will be.” Octavia grits out.

“I dunno,” Murphy drawls, “Last I heard you weren’t allowed to be in rooms of power. Something about a murderous dictatorship.”

Octavia’s hand instantly goes for her sword before remembering that it’s not there and that he’s right. She isn’t technically meant to be there.

“Watch your mouth Murphy.” Miller snaps, stepping out from behind Octavia.

“Oh of course you’re here. The little lacky following a Blake around as usual.”

Miller strides towards Murphy who is out of his chair instantly.

“Hey!” Both Octavia and Raven shout, but the men ignore them both squaring up to each other.

“Well this brings back fond memories.” Murphy quips, inches from Miller’s face.

“Yeah and as I recall none of them ever ended that well for you.” Miller grins.

“That was a long time ago, want to see who’s a winner now?” Murphy pushes Miller backwards and Octavia makes towards them as Raven stands.

“Seriously quit it!” Raven snaps exasperated, “I have enough to deal with.”

They ignore her in favour of glaring and squaring up to each other.

“What the hell is going on here?” Bellamy asks standing in the door way of the bridge, arms folded. He surveys the room, Raven half out of her chair her attention clearly caught between the control panel and the scene in front of her. He sees Miller and Murphy squaring up to each other, with Octavia right behind Miller. As it’s only Murphy whose face he can see he raises his eyebrow to ask for an explanation.

“A difference of opinion.” Murphy grins, stepping back from Miller and flopping back into his chair by the window, “One that can wait.”

Miller only relaxes when Octavia puts her hand on his shoulder and pulls him away from Murphy.

“What are you two doing here?” Bellamy asks coming into the room and looking at his sister and Miller.

“Looking for you.” Octavia replies.

“You know you’re not allowed in the bridge.” Bellamy sighs, looking over to Raven who has already turned her back to them and is tapping furiously on the controls again.

“You can’t keep avoiding me forever.” Octavia shrugs by way of answer.

“I’m not.” Bellamy lies, he ignores Murphy’s snort and the way Octavia rolls her eyes, “Fine, whatever. Just leave please I’ll come and find you later.”

He turns his back on his sister and misses the way the hurt shows on her face, just briefly before the mask slips back into place.

“What’s wrong Raven?”

“This ship is what’s wrong. It’s a piece of shit that is about two-hundred years past its sell by date. It’s a miracle it’s still standing Bellamy, we need an alternative place to live.”

Bellamy scrubs his hand across his face, “we’ve been over this.”

“Yes, and we will keep going over it until you give me an answer I like.”

“Another diplomatic party was just sent out by the council.”

“So that’s where everyone went.” Octavia mutters to Miller.

“I thought I told you two to get out.”

“I don’t take orders from you big brother.” Octavia snaps, but does turn towards the door nodding at Miller to come with her.

They’re nearly at the door when it opens and Clarke storms in almost colliding with them. The blonde looks murderous. The rage that almost propelled her into Miller finds its real target almost instantly.

“Bellamy!”

“This oughta be good,” Murphy grins but everyone ignores him.

“Where’s Madi?” She asks hands on her hips.

There’s a beat where Bellamy looks up to the sky and Clarke continues, “and think very carefully before you lie to me.”

“She’s on the diplomatic mission.” He sags.

“How could you?” She spits.

“It wasn’t my decision. I was overruled without you there.” He fires back.

“I couldn’t be there I was helping my mum in the hospital wing. The power was out again.”

“When was this?” Raven interrupts.

“This morning. A couple of hours ago.”

“Why did no one tell me?” Raven demands.

“I didn’t know I was meant to.” Clarke huffs, “I’m not exactly kept in the loop.”

“Tell me about it.” Miller snarks.

“Why are you still here!” Bellamy explodes.

Before anyone can say anything the lights on the bridge flicker and they’re plunged into darkness. It lasts less than a second but it’s long enough for Raven to be on her feet searching for the radio.

“Shaw?”

“Yeah, everything ok?”

“Our lights went out.”

“Ours too. Only briefly.” He confirms.

“You need to-“ Raven begins but is cut off by a large bang and then the room is plunged into darkness.

“Is everyone ok?” Bellamy’s voice rings out into the darkness.

“Yes.” Five voices come back at him.

“Raven, talk to me.” Bellamy says.

“Blackout.”

“Obviously.” Murphy and Octavia say at the same time.

“Raven, come in? Raven!” Shaw’s voice comes over the radio.

“Are you ok?” She asks.

“Yeah, are you?”

“Yeah, we’re fine.”

“Ok. So it looks like a huge outage happened earlier and the power tried to reroute.”

“Of course, which blew everything else.” Raven replies to the radio.

“Miller, try the door.” She says.

He pushes the button to open the bridge door and nothing happens. He taps it a few more times for good measure but it stays resolutely closed.

“Dammit!” She curses to the room.

“So looks like any room with an airlock door will be blocked.” She radioes back to Shaw.

“Yeah I figured.”

“You’re going to have to boost it from there. Unless I can get some secondary power in here this panel is useless,” she tells him tapping on the buttons in front of her with no response.

“Will do.”

Bellamy speaks into the darkness, ”We need a headcount, we need to know who is trapped and where.”

“Good idea.” Raven tells him, “Shaw did you get that?”

“Yep. But how.”

“The radio’s.” Clarke says, “my mum has one so she can account for everyone in medical. Guard section should have one too. And, I assume you sent the envoy out with one.” Clarke grits in Bellamy’s general direction.

“She’s right,” he tells Raven, “Echo has one.”

Octavia scoffs but there’s no point in commenting on it in the darkness.

They go through who else has radio’s and agree to keep a channel open for emergencies.

Raven puts the radio down.

“Now what?” Murphy asks, he’s the only one visible in front of the window showing the approaching dusk outside.

“Now we wait.”

“Oh goodie.”

“All of us in here?” Clarke asks.

“Unless you can prize open reinforced steel, yes. All of us.” Raven sighs.

“Fucking great.” Clarke grumbles, sliding down against the wall and stretching her legs out in front of her.

There’s tapping interspersed with swearing from Raven before eventually the room falls silent. There’s enough light coming from the window that they can still see each other. Murphy sitting by the window swinging in circles in his chair. Raven sitting in front of the control panel with Bellamy leaning against the wall next to her. Clarke is on the other side of the room, sitting on the floor facing Raven. While Miller and Octavia are hovering by the door.

“You should probably sit, it could be a while.” Raven says softly to Bellamy.

“How long is a while,” he asks but he takes one of the pilot chairs near her.

“If it’s what I think it is, at least an hour” She sighs.

“An hour!” Clarke exclaims. As Murphy curses and Miller and Octavia come closer into the room to find a seat.

“I need that radio.” Clarke demands standing and walking towards Raven and Bellamy.

“We agreed on emergencies only.” Raven tells her, glancing over at Bellamy.

“I need to speak to Madi.”

“She’ll be fine, she’s with Echo.” Bellamy says.

Octavia laugh derisively.

“Can we not, O.” He sighs

“Give me the radio Raven,” Clarke demands holding out her hand, when Raven hesitates Clarke turns to Bellamy, “you’re the reason she’s out there and I’m in here and if anything happens so help me god.” She lets the sentence trail off.

They’re all too aware of the lines Clarke will cross for Madi.

“Give it to her.” Bellamy tells Raven.

Clarke walks to a corner of the room to talk to Madi but they all hear anyway. They hear her tell Madi to be sensible, to be safe and to do what Echo tells her.

“Jackson is medically trained but I still don’t know much about what plant life grows out there, so try not to get in a situation where you need it.”

“I’ll be ok Clarke.” Madi trills.

“Be safe.” Clarke replies, she turns back in the room and her eyes flit to Bellamy, “all of you. Be safe.”

“Thank you.” Clarke says to Bellamy and Raven handing the radio back over.

They nod but say nothing.

Clarke walks back to where she was sitting earlier and sits back down on the floor, her back against the cool metal of the first mates desk.

“Eric won’t let anything happen to Madi.” Miller tells Clarke.

It takes her a moment to place Eric as Jackson but when she does she smiles her thanks at Miller, even if she privately thinks Madi is probably a better fighter than the doctor. Although of course he was in the bunker, so who knows.

“It’s a good group.” Bellamy tells Clarke, “I might not have wanted Madi to go but I would have stopped it or come and found you if I didn’t trust them.”

“Echo will look out for her.” Raven adds

“Oh my god, spare me.” Octavia groans. It’s quiet but with only the five of them in the room and no electrical whirring it sounds like she shouted.

“What the hell is your problem?” Murphy demands, “you don’t like Echo, fine. We do.”

“My problem isn’t just that I don’t like her, which I don’t. But I don’t trust her.”

“Again, we do.” Raven says.

“Sure. You were all up in space playing house with my brother and the woman who tried to kill me.”

“Is that what this is about? I thought it was the conclave.” Clarke asks curiously.

“It can be both.” Octavia shrugs, looking briefly like the teenager she so recently was.

“You have to get over it. It was a long time ago and she was just following orders.” Bellamy snaps.

“She tried to kill me big brother, just because you can forgive and forget doesn’t mean I can.”

Bellamy looks like he’s gearing up for a well-trodden fight when laughter from Clarke stops him.

The laughter that started quietly has bubbled up into something like hysteria in Clarke. The others exchange glances of confusion but it’s Murphy that speaks.

“Care to share the joke Griffin.”

“This is ridiculous.” Clarke gets out through laughter.

“What is?” Miller asks.

“Octavia, this grudge, this whole damn thing.” Clarke says getting her laughter under control.

“Excuse me?” Octavia’s voice is cold and steely but Clarke doesn’t flinch.

“You’re mad at Bellamy because he fell for Echo, who you think he should hate because she can’t be trusted and tried to kill you. Yes?”

Octavia nods begrudgingly but Clarke isn’t paying her any attention.

“A couple of days before we went into cryo I left your brother behind in Polis knowing that the way you deal with traitors is to put them in a pit to fight to their death.”

Raven smirks, the first one to see where Clarke is going with this line of argument.

“I didn’t try to kill him but you did. I left him behind and you forced him to fight. I’d say we’re both deserving as blame as Echo, wouldn’t you.”

“It’s different.” Octavia huffs.

“Fine. Once upon a time I was going to let a bomb drop on a place you were and I didn’t give any warning, knowing if it killed you it would kill Bellamy.” Her eyes flick to Bellamy’s and she wonders if he’s also remembering the fight they had at Arkadia about that.

“Or what about the time I locked you out of the bunker after the conclave.”

“All I’m hearing is that I’ve been too lenient to you in the past.” Octavia spits.

“Those three left me behind on a dying planet ready for certain death.” Clarke nods towards Bellamy, Raven and Murphy who all look at the ground.

She starts counting on her fingers, “We were all there when Bellamy let Murphy hang. Or when Murphy tried to hang Bellamy. Murphy shot Raven. I was going to test night blood on Emori moments after watching it kill someone else. And I’m not even going to talk about your gladiator cult.”

Clarke shrugs. “None of us are without blame. We all have blood on our hands.”

“So that’s the mighty Clarke Griffin’s mantra now. We all do bad things, it is what it is.” Octavia spits.

“Why not?”

“Those things aren’t the same.” Raven says, “we didn’t want to leave you behind. We had no choice and you have no idea what that cost us.”

“There’s always a choice and you made the right one. I survived, you wouldn’t have. But I don’t think it matters. A bad thing done for a good reason is still a bad thing.”

“So what, trying to be the good guy is pointless because we’ve all done too much shit?” Murphy asks.

“No that’s not what I’m saying.”

“What are you saying?” Bellamy asks Clarke.

“At the risk of getting in the middle of a Blake sibling argument,” Clarke starts sharing a hesitant smile with Raven, hoping her old friend will remember the exasperation they used to feel dealing with the Blakes.

“Octavia won’t or can’t understand why you’ve forgiven Echo but she wants you to forgive her.” Clarke shrugs, “I’m saying at some point we need to stop counting up who has wronged most, because we all have.”

“So Bell should forgive me but I only if I forgive Echo.” Octavia asks.

“No. But you should stop punishing him for a decision he made years ago. At some point we have to stop fighting.”

“We have to break the cycle.” Bellamy says softly.

They’re all silent. All of them watched Monty’s video, Clarke and Bellamy decided that it was only fair for the people that loved him and Harper to get a chance to say goodbye.

“I keep forgetting. I hadn’t seen you guys for six years and we were exactly close before that and so even now I keep forgetting and think I’ll see them later. I keep thinking of things I wanted to tell Harper and then remember all over again that they’re gone.” Miller admits.

“I see Jordan in the corridor and for a second can’t place him but then it comes back.” Raven sighs.

“I wish they’d woken us up to say goodbye.” Clarke says.

“We’d have tried to talk them out of it and they knew that.” Bellamy replies. It’s a conversation they’ve had before, Jordan even admitted to them that his parents knew that Bellamy and Clarke would have tried to stop them.

“I always thought they’d have a kid but this whole ‘them having a kid that’s our age and us being asleep is a real mindfuck,’ and I wish I could yell at them about it.” Murphy laughs.

Raven and Bellamy chuckle, clearly sharing a memory from space.

They all lapse into silence again, each of them lost in their own memories.

It’s Octavia that breaks the silence, she’s not looking at any of them but staring at the floor, she’s quiet when she does speak, and sad, “We’re all that are left from the dropship days.”

“And then there were six.” Murphy deadpans.

“Shut up Murphy.” Bellamy and Clarke snap in unison.

“Ahh just like old times.”

Miller and Raven both smirk and even Octavia quirks her lip slightly.

“I can’t believe it’s just us. We were meant to have more time to fix things.” Clarke sighs.

“Yeah, well, we didn’t.” Octavia snaps.

“Oh and you really helped. Destroying the hydrofarm that Monty created, causing another damn war.” Raven spits.

“The war was already in motion when we got out of the damn bunker.” Miller interrupts, “Another Bellamy and Clarke special and the rest of us just get pulled along.”

“Oh please, you love being a sidekick. All of the glory but none of the responsibility.” Murphy snaps at Miller.

“Responsibility, that’s rich coming from you-“ Miller argues back.

“Enough!” Bellamy growls, “We can’t go on like this.”

“He’s right. We’re not all we have any more but we’re the only ones that were there at the start. We have to stop fighting each other.” Clarke tells them, shifting so she can look around.

“So what? We just forgive and forget and pretend that none of the past ever happened?” Octavia asks, “I’m sorry but I can’t live like that.”

“Me either.” Murphy scowls.

“No, but there has to be another way.” Clarke sighs, “Aren’t you guys tired of fighting?”

No one speaks, she looks to Bellamy but he just shrugs.

“Maybe we were never all the best of friends but we were all on the same side once, can’t we find a way back to that?”

“Too much has happened Clarke,” Raven says sadly. “We’re not kids anymore.”

Clarke waits for someone else to speak, but they're all looking at the floor avoiding each other's eyes.

“So that’s it? You all can really live in a world where Bellamy and Octavia don’t speak?” She asks angrily. “Where we go to the council before each other?”

“Need I remind you that you and Bellamy are on the council.” Murphy drawls.

“Only because they had to. No one trusts us.” Clarke spits.

“She’s right. We’re there because we’re useful, Clarke has Madi and I have you guys. Unless Kane wakes up or we make peace, I’m betting our place on the council is a limited time offer.” Bellamy scrubs his hand over his face tiredly.

“Clarke’s there because half of Wonkru still believe Madi is the true commander and Bellamy is there because Octavia vouched for him.” Miller surprises them all, “The alliance won’t last.”

“And you think the six of us can make an alliance?” Raven asks, “No offence but the only people in this room I trust are Bellamy and Murphy.”

“Yeah sorry, Raven and Bellamy for me.”

“Some alliance that would be.” Miller snarks.

“I trust you both.” Bellamy says to Raven and Murphy, “but I still trust Clarke too.”

“Of course you do.” Octavia snarks.

“Yeah, I’m with the murderous Blake on this one. She left you to die and you still trust her.” Murphy looks at Bellamy.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Well I trust Miller.” Octavia says, “And my brother.”

“I trust all of you in this room.” Clarke says. Everyone including Bellamy scoffs at her.

“I’m not saying I trust you all in the same way, or for the same thing, but if we were on the same side again, there’s not one of you I wouldn’t fight with.”

“That makes sense.” Bellamy nods.

“So your plan for peace is to overthrow the council, because that doesn’t exactly sounds peaceful to me Griffin.” Miller speaks up.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m with Miller.” Murphy drawls.

“Me too. Overthrowing a democratically elected government is not exactly breaking the cycle.” Raven snarks.

“Which is why I wasn’t suggesting that,” Clarke rolls her eyes.

Maybe it’s because they’ve been talking about the drop ship but suddenly they’re all back there, being teenagers, trying to stay alive.

“Then what are you suggesting Clarke?” Bellamy asks after a beat, with a hint of a smile playing on his face.

“That we find our way back to each other. We were always stronger together.”

“How? We’ve all done too much. I’ve done too much.” Octavia says softly.

“Maybe we begin by acknowledging that. We’re not the same people, we’ve all made choices that we wish we could take back, fallen in love with people that hurt others.” Raven says, her eyes finding Clarke and thinking of a brown-haired boy they once knew. “But if we accept that we can’t change those things and stop expecting people to do the same, we might be ok.”

“That means Echo.” Murphy snarks, “In case you’d missed that.”

Octavia scowls at Murphy but says nothing.

“It means all of it. You don’t have to forgive Echo, O but you have to accept I have. And I have to accept that you made some decisions that I don’t know I can forgive you for but you’re my sister.”

“And then what?” Miller asks, “Because from where I’m sitting it’s not enough for us to agree to be better. We have to live it day-to-day.”

“So we do that.” Bellamy shrugs.

“You think it’s that simple?” Raven asks.

“I think if we want it to be it can be. Of course we won’t agree and we’ll all learn how to be on the same side again.”

“Not to mention there are others. It’s not just us anymore. There’s Emori and Echo. Madi.” Murphy says.

“Think of everything we survived at the beginning, if we want to, we can do this.” Clarke tries.

The light in the room is fading, but she looks at all of them in turn, willing them to believe she’s all in. That they can be the beginning of a new cycle if they want it.

The crackle of the radio makes them all jump and more than one of them put their hands out for weapons they don’t have.

“Raven? Come in?”

“I’m here. What is it Shaw?”

“I think I’ve got it, I just need you to help from there.”

Shaw talks them through what he needs. Raven can’t get under the main switchboard with her leg so Clarke goes with Raven giving her instructions and Bellamy holding the torch.

It’s Octavia that helps Clarke up from the floor as Raven goes back over to the control panel still talking to Shaw as Bellamy holds the light.

“Thanks.” Clarke tells Octavia softly as she brushes herself down.

“Day to day, right?” Octavia shrugs, her eyes searching out her brother in the darkness.

“Day to day.” Clarke nods.

“Ok kiddies, hold your breath.” Raven tells them, before tapping a few buttons and telling Shaw to go.

“Let there be light.” Murphy quips as the lights come back on.

“Miller try the door.” Raven says.

Miller walks over to the door and pushes the airlock, there’s a tiny pause where they all seem to hold their breath and then the door opens.

“Oh thank fuck.” Murphy sighs.

Clarke, Bellamy and Raven laugh and even Miller and Octavia smile.

“We should go. Rooms of power and all that.” Octavia says awkwardly.

Miller nods at Bellamy and Clarke as he goes, both of whom return the gesture.

“I hope Madi gets back safely.” Octavia tells Clarke, pausing briefly to add, “I hope they all do.”

“Thank you.” Clarke smiles softly. She looks over to Bellamy who is watching his sister leave with a thoughtful look on his face.

“I should go and check Shaw has actually done what he said.” Raven says, heading towards the door.

“We need another place to live. And we’ll have a better chance of convincing everyone if I can prove the ship is falling apart.” Raven says looking between Bellamy and Clarke.

“I think the black out might help your cause.” Murphy grins.

“True,” Raven concedes, “but even so, any more outages or issues, keep me in the loop, yeah?”

“Will do.” Clarke nods.

“And I’ll do the same.” Raven says, squeezing Bellamy on the shoulder as she goes.

“I’m going to go and find Emori.” Murphy tells them and leave the room.

Just as the door closes, it hisses back open again and Murphy puts his head back through.

“For what it’s worth, if we’re picking sides again, I’d always rather be on the same side as you two together.” He pauses and grins at them, “survivors instinct and all that.”

Then he’s gone.

“I think that was a vote of confidence but with Murphy I’m never sure.” Clarke deadpans.

“It was.” Bellamy grins before sobering, “do you think we can do it? Do you think we can break the cycle?”

“I hope so. Otherwise what is it all for.” She shrugs.

“You know I’ve forgiven you right?” Clarke turns to look at him, “For Polis, for TonDC, for all of it.”

“It would be ok if you hadn’t. I meant what I said, we’ve all screwed up.”

“Yeah, we have. But you and I forgive each other, that’s what we do. It’s who we are.”

Clarke looks at him, the man who is so changed and yet so recognisable to her, even with his new beard.

“You should ask your sister what happened down there. Not the fighting pits but the rest of it.” Clarke tells him.

“I’m not sure I want to know.” He admits quietly.

“No, I don’t think you do. But it will help you understand why she had to rule the way she did.”

“Why is me forgiving my sister so important to you?” He asks.

Clarke is quiet for a while, playing with the hem of her jacket, really thinking before she answers.

“You know it’s just you and me that have family left from the Ark. I’ve got my mom, you’ve got Octavia. That’s it.”

“I hadn’t thought about that.” He sighs.

“I know you’ve made a new family and I get that, but she’s always going to be a part of you. I’d hate for you to grow so far apart that you can’t come back from it.”

“That makes sense.” Bellamy runs his hand through his hair before continuing, “I don’t think things will ever be how they were.”

“No probably not, but that might not be a bad thing.”

He frowns at her to continue.

“I’ve learnt a thing or two recently about making one person your whole world. It’s not always the best plan.”

Bellamy chuckles, “that’s true.”

“I’m going to see if the envoy are back, want to come with?” Clarke asks.

“Sure.” Bellamy jams his hands in his pockets as Clarke hits the airlock button.

“You know I don’t trust Echo either.” She tells him lightly.

“I’d guessed.”

“But I trust you. And Raven. And even Murphy.” Clarke laughs, before adding seriously, “If I can get there Octavia can too.”

Bellamy doesn’t say that it’s different for Octavia, that there are things she’s guessed as a little sister that Clarke would never understand.

“One day at a time, right?” Bellamy says.

Clarke nods, “See you later.”

Bellamy doesn’t know if they’ll ever make it back, if they can ever be on the same side again. Maybe Raven was right and too much time has passed. Maybe Octavia will never forgive Echo and he’ll never forgive his sister, but as he watches Clarke walk away he knows he wants to try.

“Hey Clarke, wait up!” She turns and looks back at him, “I have some ideas about Raven’s complaints.”

“Of course you do.” Clarke laughs and motions with her head for him to catch up.

As they sit in the corridor, trying to come up with a solution to their current living situation Bellamy thinks trying might be more than enough.

And later, when his sister walks past he offers her a small ghost of a smile, while Clarke lifts her hand in a lazy wave and he thinks maybe one day they won’t have to try. They will just be safe and together and that might be enough. 


End file.
